| Raising Children And Dealing With Anger |
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| Life and Society - Children |
| Written by Kim Patrick |
| Sunday, 12 October 2008 08:17 |
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I'm sure that none of you have ever had dramas over playing on a computer. But at my house it is a common occurance. This morning Kieren, my 14 year old, was up and all ready for school before 7am. When I woke up he said to me, "mum, I have done all of my chores and I would like to know if I can please have a go on the computer".
I'm sure that none of you have ever had dramas over playing on a computer. But at my house it is a common occurance. This morning Kieren, my 14 year old, was up and all ready for school before 7am. When I woke up he said to me, "mum, I have done all of my chores and I would like to know if I can please have a go on the computer". I said "yes" as I wanted to let Kieren know that I noticed he was being so well organized and I was proud of his efforts. All was fine until my younger son came out into the kitchen and saw his big brother on the computer. He immediately said, "Kieren, get off the computer. It's my turn". Hmmm... isn't sibling rivalry great? Needless to say his brother was very unhappy. Even when I told Sam the reasons his brother was allowed on the computer, Sam still felt hardly done by. He loved the computer so much and he was busting his gut to get a go, at whatever cost. I listened to the argument while I was working in the kitchen. Eventually I had to step in and help poor Kieren. I told Sam that he needed to stop arguing or he would miss out on a go later in the day. Alas, he decided to keep on complaining. The end result was that I had to ban Sam from the computer for that whole day because he wouldn't calm down enough for me to reason with him. But that was his choice. He really had got himself worked up into a frenzy over not much at all. About this time Kieren bailed and left for school. Now there's a smart kid. Sam sat down and tried to start computer, ignoring my requests to stay away from it. I had to go to the computer and turn it off and usher him to the door way to leave for school. This was not the right time to talk to Sam. As parents we need to understand that when a child gets really angry and on a roll, they aren't actually capable of thinking rationally at that point in time. When your kids are angry and emotional, they require time to calm down before they can talk through something. Sam is still at school now, but I think perhaps when he gets home he might have an apology to give me. I think by then he will have realized how stupid his thoughts were this morning, at least I hope so. and we will have a chat about it tonight sometime so that he can talk through his feelings. But he will not be on any computer in my house tonight, that's for sure. He needs to learn that his behavior was not acceptable, and I will teach him this by giving him a consequence of missing out on computer time tonight. We can't always control how our children behave. But we can control our reactions to it. By giving Sam a ban on the computer today that will speak volumes to him about the inappropriateness of his behavior. And I have also decided to ring a counselor at school to see if there any courses or special training that might help Sam to learn to manage his anger in a more constructive way. It is not a bad thing to have problems with your children. Believe me. I have four children and plenty of drama in my house. The key is in the way you deal with it. Happy Parenting! About the Author: Kim Patrick is a single mother to four children, living in Queensland, Australia. She is a best selling author as well as a child behavior management expert and her guide on raising children can be found at her web site: www.mychildcanbehave.com |